Resiliency
The American Psychological Association (APA) defines resiliency as the process of adapting well in the face of trauma or tragedy, threats, or other significant sources of stress (Southwick et al. 2014). In my opinion, the most important word in that definition is ‘process’, but more on that in a moment. To paraphrase, resiliency is the ability to bounce back from adversity. At the very heart of any novel is adversity. Why? Because this is much of what our own lives are about. Readers want to step into someone else’s life and watch them struggle, fail, and try again. In the process, some readers are learning resiliency skills through our characters.
Why resilient characters are important
Writer and photographer Hannah Frankman states in her blog post that all stories have an arc that marks the evolution of either the character or a series of events, but in the end, something comes out changed (2017). Readers fall in love with our characters for many reasons but one of the biggest is because they want to see our characters overcome and become stronger. Or, if they don’t, readers want to understand why they failed or fell apart in the aftermath. So, why would some characters overcome where others flounder and fail? The answer, in part, is our character’s resiliency (or lack thereof).
Let’s face it, we put our characters through a lot. We push them until their coping skills are exhausted, all hope is seemingly lost, and they face their darkest moment of despair. In short, we expose our characters to toxic stress and trauma.
Trauma and resiliency
The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) defines traumatic experiences as a shocking, scary, or dangerous experience that can affect someone emotionally and physically (2019). These can include, but are not limited to, one or more of the following
Domestic violence, incarceration, or death of a family member
Divorce
Physical pain, injury, or serious illness
Natural disasters, war, or terrorism
Moving to a new location, homelessness
Witness to death/violence
Rape or being the victim/witness of a crime
Prison stay
According to Arnold et al. (2014), ongoing stressors can also be traumatic. Some examples of long-term stressors are:
Bullying
Harassment in the workplace
Dysfunctional /challenging relationships
Poverty
Environmental stressors (extreme weather or global warming)
Karam et al (2014) states that at some point most people will be exposed to one or more potentially life-threatening traumatic experiences that can influence mental health and result in conditions such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). But what specific set of skills keeps our characters, and us, from giving up entirely?
Resiliency skills
As I mentioned earlier, I believe the most important word in the APA’s definition of resiliency is ‘process’. It is hopeful. The word process says that we don’t have it all figured out but that we can learn to cope and adapt. It says that resiliency can be learned. Southwick et al (2014) states that resilience is more of a continuum than a fixed (or binary) state and is situational. For example, one may be resilient at work but not in his/her relationships (Riopel., 2019). Now that we know resiliency isn’t some magical gift given out at birth to some but not others, let’s talk about what skills makeup resiliency.
The five pillars of resiliency
1. Self-awareness
When writing, we often begin with a character who is not entirely self-aware. If they were highly self- aware, we wouldn’t have any internal struggle. Just like in real life, it is through pressure, hardship and some positive relationships, that they gain self-awareness.
2. Mindfulness
The ability to stay in the present and acknowledge one’s feelings without judgment. This can often be used in the mirror moment or turning point. Here, the character is finally able to confront their feelings, let go of their past “wounds” and view things in the present clearly enabling them to move forward.
3. Self-care
I have numerous Twitter posts and an entire blog column dedicated to the topic of wellness. Self-care does not require one to make big changes. It can be as simple as drinking more water, taking a walk or stretching at your desk. In short, it’s just making healthier choices. In your stories wellness can be used to show a change in your character after the turning point. For example, showing them make healthier decisions by ridding themselves of toxic relationships, choosing not to drink alcohol in a stressful situation, etc. There are a million ideas out there on the web that you can mine for ideas.
4. Positive relationships
This role is often taken up by our Main Character’s (MC’s) sidekick, or the mentor character. This character keeps the main character, or (MC), grounded while often questioning or challenging the MC’s old thoughts and views on the status quo and themselves.
5. Purpose
Everyone needs a purpose in life. That thing that helps them get up in the morning. This can be anything from family (even our fur babies), to a job one loves and feels fulfilled in, to philanthropy. The same is true with our characters. They need a purpose. Perhaps your MC has one, but it’s not what it should be. Or maybe the character is floundering, not knowing where they fit in. If they don’t have one, they need to in the process of discovering it.
The mirror moment is a great place for your MC to realize their true purpose. This is the moment where theMC can see themselves, their journey, and their newfound purpose more clearly. For anyone unfamiliar with the mirror moment, click here for a great article on this. Also, I have read all of the books referenced in this article and recommend them.
Kenneth Ginsberg’s 7 C’s of Resilience
Ginsberg’s 7 C’s are a helpful starting point in considering what skills your characters possess and which they need to develop in order to overcome both the internal and external conflict. They are:
Competence
Confidence
Connection
Character
Contribution
Coping
Control
Things to consider
As your characters tackle each conflict thrown their way, consider what skills your character possesses and which they need to be resilient (overcome) then work them toward that goal. For example, perhaps our MC, Sam*, is an avid runner (wellness) but is hyper-focused on healthy living. (An attempt to feel in control in an out of control situation). Let’s say that Sam is also a loving, dedicated parent (purpose), but has a fear of being alone, is in denial of how badly s/he is hurting on the inside (lack of self-awareness), and wants the relationship to return to the way it was before marriage (lack of mindfulness- living in the past rather than the present). This is also an example of denial and minimization.
“It’s not that bad” is a common thing for abuse and trauma victims to say. But that’s a topic for another blog post. In order to leave this relationship, Sam must stop minimizing, confront his/her feelings of anger, sadness and betrayal, in order to face the reality that s/he is in (mindfulness).
Putting it all together
Perhaps, Sam forms a relationship with someone in the neighborhood who is also a runner (positive relationship) and this person begins to challenge and confront Sam about the abuse and eventually talks Sam into leaving. Next, we throw in some obstacles to keep Sam from leaving (a sick child, guilt, the spouse promises to do better- which will turn out to be more empty promises- maybe the spouse threatens the new friend, etc.) But each obstacle teaches Sam something (either about Sam or the spouse), it builds his/her confidence, makes Sam more aware of the perilous nature of the relationship, etc.
Until in that dark moment of despair, Sam realizes s/he has been grieving the loss of the relationship s/he wanted with the abusive spouse, not the relationship s/he actually has (Mindfulness- acknowledging painful emotions and living in the present) and is better off alone than remaining in an abusive relationship. This insight gives him/her the courage s/he needs to fight the final battle with the spouse and leave.
Obviously, the above storyline needs some work. However, this method will give you a rough character arc complete with external conflict (abusive spouse) and internal conflict (overcoming his/her fear of being alone, letting go of a relationship and moving on healthier and stronger).
In conclusion
Due to reasons that are far too complex and lengthy to go into here, many people are in desperate need of resiliency skills. With few skills to rely on, when things get tough people (especially youth) are increasingly feeling hopeless. Hopelessness (or being stuck and seeing no way out) is a dangerous place to be and one of the warning signs of suicidality. As writers, we have the platform to show (teach), our readers how to be resilient. Your words, your story, your characters could help someone overcome their own adversity.
Did you find this helpful? Please let me know by leaving a comment.
*In order to stay away from the harmful stereotypes, (in this particular case, that only women can be abused) I strive to remain gender-neutral in many of my examples.
References
Arnold M, Mearns R, Oshima K, Prasad V. Climate and disaster resilience: The role for community-driven development. Washington, DC: Social Development World Bank; 2014. [Google Scholar]
Freeman, H. (2017/ Oct 18). The importance of reading fiction. Retrieved from https://medium.com/the-mission/the-importance-of-reading-fiction-7f57546a229b
Karam E. G, Friedman M. J, Hill E. D, Kessler R. C, McLaughlin K. A, Petukhova M, et al. Cumulative traumas and risk thresholds: 12-month PTSD in the world mental health (WMH) surveys. Depression and Anxiety. 2014;31:130–142. doi: 10.1002/da.22169.
Riopel, L. (2019/April 7). Resiliency skills, factors and strategies of the resilient person. Retrieved from https://positivepsychology.com/resilience-skills/
Southwick, S. M., Bonanno, G. A., Masten, A. S., Panter-Brick, C., & Yehuda, R. (2014, Oct 1). Resilience definitions, theory and challenges: interdisciplinary perspectives. European Journal of Psychotraumatology, 5:1, Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4185134/
US Department of Health and Human Services, National Institute of Mental Health. (2019). Coping with traumatic events. Retrieved from https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/coping- with-traumatic-events/index.shtml
Wu, K. K., Leung, P. W., Wong, C. S., Yu, P. M., Luk, B. T., Cheng, J. P., et al., (2019), The Hong Kong Survey on the Epidemiology of Trauma Exposure and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. JOURNAL OF TRAUMATIC STRESS. doi:10.1002/jts.22430